However- it's so easy to just focus on the good stuff in my life. I mean, who wants to air all their dirty laundry on their blog (literally!) ? Who wants to highlight the crappy things- the way they fail others, the ugly side of things? Why in the world would I let you know the real me- the imaginary me on the internet, where I can choose what I want you to see, is so much prettier!
Because of some very sweet and complimentary comments, I wanted to clear up any misconceptions people might have about me (if they only read my blog and don't know me in real life. I assume that my faults are very much more apparent in real life than what I choose to reveal here!).
I don't have it all together. Shocker, hmm? ;)
If someone appears like they do have it all together, rest assured, something is suffering for it in their life.
So in the spirit of authenticity, here is my "airing of grievances" (against myself!):
I'm really bad about keeping in touch with friends and pursuing relationships. I'm rather hit and miss with it. It's nothing to do with the person, but I know that I end up probably hurting people's feelings because of my scatterbrained lack of communication for long periods of time. And I feel really guilty about it, a lot of times.
If you notice when I post pictures, I rarely post them if they are in my kitchen or kids' rooms. :) There is good reason for that. Trust me. hehe
I don't sleep a lot at night... I'm a night owl, and I covet my time by myself, to the sacrifice of sleep. That means I'm kind of crabby when I wake up in the morning.
Exercise rarely, if ever, happens for me. This is my own choosing- I don't play victim on any of these... everyone has choices they make for what they deem the most important thing. Sometimes it's a deeper issue and you have to kind of dig to figure out why you are choosing to do something, and sometimes it's simple like this one: I'm lazy and I don't like to sweat. That's the ugly truth.
The laundry.Oh, the laundry.
(And you can ask the Hubs, it's unfortunately like this a lot of the time.)
There's more I could share... I have a wealth of failures and faults I could share- as does everyone. Trust me, what I've shared here isn't the worst of it, by far... but also, there's only so much I want to put out there on the WWW. (My family does read this. And Child Protection Services. Just kiddin'.) ;) hehehe
(Great, now I'm paranoid about that CPS comment. I hope they don't monitor things like that!)
Here's the thing I'm starting to understand about myself: I'm figuring out what it is I believe.
When I focus on the strengths I have, or my failures- it means I believe that I can control these things.
When I talk about someone behind their back, or compare myself to someone else, and feel that twinge of self-righteousness, it means I believe I'm better then them.
I'm a visual thinker, and for so long I've pictured myself as a strong woman, floundering in the ocean, occasionally catching a gasp of air when I get things under my control, occasionally dog paddling when I have "it all together."
You know what, though? I am weak. I deceive myself. I'm not floundering at all.
I'm sunk. At the bottom of the ocean, utterly without the ability to pull myself up and swim with full strength to the shore.
The only One that can do that is Jesus, and this time of year, I seem to be reminded of that even more.
He, the Creator of everything you see around, big and small, put Himself in a little human baby body, and come to earth, to bring us light in the darkness.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born
So I'm coming to realize... I believe in grace.
What would I do without precious grace.... God's aggressive forgiveness, inviting me to life.
(Supplies: Noel Mignon's Cornucopia kit and Making Memories alphabet letters. Done for the new "Believe" challenge at Noel Mignon. Join in here: Noel Mignon Challenge)