4.18.2012

One month

Tonight marks one month since dad passed.


And I feel like I have to say something.


Something.


I can't just ignore this marking of time. 


But I don't really have anything to say. 


Grief is such a funny bird, the way it flies it and out. 


Sometimes, it's just sitting quietly on your shoulder, riding along with you, a faint but very present reminder of what used to be there.


Or it flies in and out of your peripheral vision, darting in just enough to distract you but not enough to make you realize why you suddenly feel a lump in your throat. 


You may not even see it, but just vaguely hear it's gentle song throughout the goings on of your day. A melancholy or sweet melody, depending on what caused it's voicing of remembrance. 


And sometimes, sometimes. Sometimes it just seems to peck at your eyeballs until they weep and weep. 


(Gross, I know. But truthfully, how the pain feels on occasion.)


A very dear friend of mine who has walked these paths before told me, 


"And eventually, 


you will find that you begin to relish the little things that remind you of him, 




instead of fearing them." 



I am looking forward to that day. I see small, small peeks at that from time to time, but if I 



open up to it a little too much still, I have to quickly shut it back. 

For now, it's enough to have his cowboy hat hanging on a hook next to my bed, and a pile of 

photos in the drawer next to my bed. 








12 comments:

  1. It has been two years since we lost Dad and it never goes back to "normal". It just becomes a new kind of normal. My prayers are with you!

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  2. Prayers and hugs. So sorry for your loss.

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  3. My heart aches for you dear one! What a blessing you are as you share your heart with us! You have been on my mind, and I want you to know that I've been praying for you and will continue to do so! May the Lord's sweet presence and comfort be especially real to you today as He brings you the peace that only He can give.
    Love you,
    Theresa Davis

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  4. My heart aches for you dear one! What a blessing you are as you share your heart with us! You have been on my mind, and I want you to know that I've been praying for you and will continue to do so! May the Lord's sweet presence and comfort be especially real to you today as He brings you the peace that only He can give.
    Love you,
    Theresa Davis

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  5. Been wondering about you all. Thank you for sharing. I'm praying you have time to really get through the hardest moments when they hit, and savor the sweet memories. We are still feeling those little flittings in and out, almost 3 years later also. Thankfully, there are more happy recollections of sweet memories as time passes, and not just the rawness of the recent grief. Praying for you!

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  6. i had tears welling up as i read this. can't imagine the day i lose my dad. so sorry!!

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  7. well said. Hugs to you, Amy

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  8. What a great way to express what grief is like--so accurate! I'm thinking about you, and praying for your family.

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  9. Thank you for sharing. This is such a beautiful post, very poetic and very you. I love reading your thoughts, I love how brave you are to share them. I love that you are allowing yourself just to "be". And I love you, tons.

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  10. I lost my Dad almost 13 years ago when I was 25. There are still days when it creeps up on me :) But as someone said - one day you will relish those things that remind you of him.

    xoxo

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I'm so glad you decided to leave me a comment today! Thanks for taking the time to stop by my little corner of the world. :)

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