My many colored days.

"Some days, of course, I feel sort of brown.

Then I feel slow, and low, low down."

Good ol' Dr. Suess. He knows how to describe me, whether I'm 3 or 31.

I've been struggling with some health problems this last week; nothing that some people have to deal with, by any means, but still difficult for a busy mama of four kiddos. I'm grappling with the fact that I can't do everything I want to; that this is a broken body in an imperfect world. It's frustrating.

The verdict right now is either I have shingles affecting the nerves in my lower back, or a slipped disc (or something of that nature). I go tomorrow to get a CT scan and to try to eliminate/determine what's going on.

I sit here and think, "I'm ready for my 'normal' life back." And I want to complain that I've been to the doctor three times this week, and I'm tired of it. Then I think about Kristi, a girl I knew from college who has three young girls (younger than mine), and is battling Stage IV cancer.

I bet she'd like her normal life back too.

I get confused when faced with stuff like this, where I see that I am actually weak, that I can't do it all myself. I want to chastise myself for being wimpy or for complaining; but then I see that it is in the weakness that I can truly see my place- that in weakness is where I need a Savior... someOne to save me.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4)

I want to count it all joy. To be made steadfast. To be lacking in nothing. To become like Christ.

1 comment:

  1. I was feeling like that on Sunday. So upset with myself for not being "All that I can/should be". Thanks for these thoughts.


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