This week...

(random pictures interspersed tonight to break up all the words I had to pour out...)

we have hardly been at home. Tomorrow night is the first night this week that the hubs & I will both be at home at the same time. Exhausting. My thoughts are rather rambling tonight, so bear with me. I've had lots of "blog posts" written in my head lately, but not actually typed out.

It's hard trying to find a balance of things we should be doing, that we could be doing, that are good for us, and that which is too much.

I ventured to Wednesday night church for the first time. It was so good for me. I teach the youth girls on Sunday mornings, so I don't get a lot of time with other adults, discussing & learning & encouraging together. A couple of the women in the class that I was in brought up a subject that is very close to my heart (unbeknownst to them); a raw and still sometimes wounded part of me. I sat there and felt so loved by God... I absolutely knew that He cared enough about all the little parts of my life, the things that hurt me, the things that bring me joy, to show me in that way that I was not alone. It was very much confirmation that I needed that time there. Even though it is HARD as heck to get the kids and myself out the door, I seriously see a need for it. I felt like I was gulping up fresh water during that time.

I think I like to deceive myself- actually, I KNOW I like to deceive myself- into thinking that I've got it all together, that I'm handling things alright, that I'm a strong person and I can manage fine by myself (gee, I wonder if that's where Emerson gets it from... hehe). Moments like that, though, show me how very much I'm just stifling my own desperate need for community. I received a further reminder of that today.

Emerson & Atticus kept crying over very silly things, and I had a long talk with them about what is important to be emotionally invested in and what is not (of course, in their own terms). Somebody putting the potty seat down when you wanted to do it yourself is not really a great reason to flop down on the floor and sob.

And yet, mere minutes later, I am screaming and yelling because one little boy had pulled out the mustard and smeared it all over his face and hands, while we were getting ready to head out the door. Sure, it wasn't a great choice on his part, but it didn't warrant the full on temper tantrum that I pulled.

Everyone eventually was ready to go, and I sent the kids out to the car while I struggled with my bags and baby and headed out the door. I got to the car and Emerson, with a sweet smile on her face, proudly told me that she buckled Atticus & Sabriel into their seats to help me out.

It was such an act of simple grace and love for me. I had been nothing but a witch to them, and yet, this sweet girly of mine reached out to show me empathy. My eyes filled with tears as I gave her a huge hug and asked for my kids' forgiveness for my harsh words; my unkind & impatient attitude.

I called a friend and confessed how I was a total ass... and she reminded me that it was good for my kids to see me being a failure. That it teaches them grace & love and all that good stuff. My heart aches with the fact that yeah, I'm gonna fail my kids time & time again, but I am so glad I have hope that God is using it in their lives... there's something beyond my failing them.

And I'm glad I have people in my life that can continue to remind me of that- as long as I don't cut myself off and continue the charade of how "I've got it all together." Yeah. That's what community is all about.

People being real with each other, talking about hurts and scars and growth and redemption and grace. Challenging each other, not just saying things to make us feel good about ourselves. Reminding each other that it's not just about the moment of salvation, but it's about growth beyond that too- but that it's all wrapped up in the Gospel.

...that we are simultaneously far more sinful than we ever dared imagine yet far more loved and accepted than we ever dared hope for.

Oh, what a precious thing that hope is. :)

(I told y'all I was rambly tonight! Sometimes a gal's gotta get things typed out in order for them to sink in all the way, ya know?)


  1. Beautiful, and needed. "LUB" you :)

  2. Oh, V! HUGS to you! You make me get all teary-eyed reading this, because you are such a deep and beautiful soul and we can all relate to those moments. Thank you for your spirit. Thank you for your thoughts. Love you! ;)

  3. What a beautiful post, and so true that He is aware of even the smallest details in our lives. I love the pics, the bright colors mixed with the brown of the leaves. I also have to be reminded that perhaps my kids were given to me so that I can be taught, not just so I can teach them. Have a great day, Virginia!

  4. awesome post. its good to have people you can be transparent with. I'm always blown away with your Godly perspective to parenting (ie explaining to your kids what they need to be emotionally invested in - I just tell them they are being drama and to stop). You are truly blessed to have such a wonderful family and they are blessed to have you as their mother/wife.

  5. I love you sweet friend. I guess this post means that no man really is an island??? Bummer. I keep testing that ;) But you are right...we need community. I'm so thankful that you have let me reveal all of my filth to you (over and over again) and that you are humble and kind enough to still like me.

  6. V, big hugs to you!

    Thanks so much for sharing!!!! This is so true in everyway... :-) and it helped me to understand somethings about myself as well.

  7. Thanks for all that raw emotion. To people you know and to those you don't, like me. Reminds me that it is better out than in. And thanks for the lesson about God giving us the kids we have for a reason. My two year old is one heck of a lesson, I tell ya. Not sure exactly what yet, but at least now I'm looking. :) Hope tomorrow is a better day.

  8. What a wonderful post. I know I will have 'thoughts' ready for blogging, yet never get the time to blog/post - but really, blogging/journaling can be very theraputic! As is church :) You are so blessed to have a church family that nurtures your soul! Hope you can make it to church next Wednesday :)

    I think we as mom's have days like this or even weeks/months - I know i sure do and i only have ONE kid! Hope your having a lovely weekend.

  9. absolutely beautiful! I have so been there. Thanks for sharing this!

  10. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

  11. Wow, what a great post. How did I miss this one the other day??? Boy, I'm sure in that same place many times. My son was whiny last night and it got on my every last nerve. Then he fell asleep in the car on the way to gymnastics and looked so precious. Yep, we can't be perfect but yet we all strive for that don't we?? And fail every time. Cause it's good to not be perfect!


I'm so glad you decided to leave me a comment today! Thanks for taking the time to stop by my little corner of the world. :)


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