The need to be quiet.

As you may (or most likely have not) noticed, my blogging has taken a severe turn to the not so much.

I have gone through seasons of writing and seasons of insecurity and seasons of privacy on what to include on this blog. Sometimes I think I just need to limit it to my creative ventures but then I realize I'm not really that compartmentalized of a person. My life is blurry between all the lines and I just can't section off a part of me to share without including other stuff.

So then I just get quiet.

I'm reading a fantastic book that I actually purchased for my hubs a birthday or two ago. It's called Introverts in the Church and is exactly what it claims to be about. I cannot recommend it enough. If you feel at all like you may tend towards being an introvert, then get it and read it.

My husband and I are both introverts. He's the more extreme of the two of us (hence one of the reasons why you don't see him often in pictures), and people are often surprised when I say that I am an introvert. But I am. I just am also a major people pleaser so it doesn't complement my introvert side very well.

I'm realizing, through reading this book, how much I deny myself of the things that I really need. Quiet. Time to reflect. Stillness. Contrasted against what is seen as worthwhile and productive in this world, it seems self indulgent at best, and lazy most of the time.

I'm having to learn to embrace myself as I have been created. Even if it means disappointing others by saying "No" to playdates, and Girls' Night Outs and a multitude of other things. And not so I can have a glorified sense of self... but so I can stop and notice and pay attention to how God is quietly weaving Himself in my life.

So it brings me back to my blog. Even when  my kids were littler, I still had moments of quiet in my life, perhaps more than now. I had naptimes and earlier bedtimes. They played but mostly didn't chatter away to me. Now all four clamor for my attention and talk and oh my goodness, I have at least one little extrovert. In the "old days," (aka like one or two years ago!) I could still gather my thoughts here and there and sort through the moments of the day. Now there is less time to sift and sort and my filter gets clogged. And then I can't write or blog because I haven't had time to sift and sort.

I am purposing to change this. I'm intentional about spending more times of quiet. It means it digs into time that was spent doing other things... so if you, my friends, notice that I'm not at as many things or pulling back, it is not because I don't love you dearly. It's because I can't be a good friend, or wife, or mama, or me, without times to stop to reflect on Who made me.